Are you just existing or are you living your life?
posted on Saturday, May 28, 2016 @ 1:12 AM | permalink
At times, I would question myself on my existence. Does my existence makes any difference to the world? If no, then why do I even exist? If yes, in what way?
Growing up sucks. During my younger days, I thought life was easy. I thought everybody will take the same route in life. I thought life's much easier being a lady. All we have to do was to find the right guy, get married, give birth and then we will spend the rest of our lives raising children, being the little women to our husband.
I remembered when I was at the age of 13, I wanted to get married at 18, thinking that I would fast-forward my life a little, by the time I reached 16, I changed to 21. (I totally got no idea what I was thinking. seriously.)
Now, at the age of 22, getting married isn't on my list anymore. I finally realized, I don't need to get married, I don't need a husband or children to complete my life. My life isn't determined by having my own family. My success isn't determined by how others think a successful life should be.
I started facing the real world when I got my first full-time job at the age of 18. I struggled to be in place. I had to fight for a position. I realized, it wasn't easy being independent. It wasn't easy to be fending for yourself. It was really ..... tiring. And, I gave up just 8 months later.
I tried thinking about what I want to achieve and how to be a better person. But, the imagination world was never realistic.
Without a choice, I moved on with life.
.... And I became the person I promised myself I'd never be.
Will there ever be a day when I will be accepted by being the real me?
Then again, will I be able to accept others in the real way?
Labels: diary, feelings, personal |